sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
