tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
