I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Houston, we have a squirter
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
