Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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