Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
