Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
