Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I look better un-naked...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What drink are we having for lunch?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's rum buckets o'clock
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
