Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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