I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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