it was like his penis was on wheels.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
