I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
