i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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