i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I could fuck to npr.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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