Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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