in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
