now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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