I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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