I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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