from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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