she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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