WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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