I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
