M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
