I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
