I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
