I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
barbara walters just said penis...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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