i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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