He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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