when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
