I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
