Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
