Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My vagina just recognized that song.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
