we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
ttyl tear gas
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
