my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
