so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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