You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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