you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
