how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
