My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
