Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
