how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
