Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
