this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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