i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
