Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
