so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
