fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
