I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
