when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
