I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
