So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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