I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
