This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
