why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
